Astoreth does Ferelden Part 5: The Circle of Magi
by Natmonkey
Summary: Follow Astoreth as she traipses through Ferelden and shares her thoughts and wonders. In this instalment: the return to the Circle of Magi, where our heroine runs into several unpleasant surprises.
1. An Overdose of Sweetness

It's a bit dark, close to dusk. I'm in a clearing in a lush green forest. In the middle of the clearing is a long table, a crisp white tablecloth lain atop, illuminated by elaborate candelabra. And on that tablecloth, oh boy! Dishes with cakes, muffins, cookies, dainty pastries, bottles of wine and most importantly, many large jugs of fresh milk.

Obviously I'm dreaming. On the road we don't have the luxury of setting a table and eating pastries. This table is another fulfilment of a wish I have, no doubt. It beats the feverish dreams of darkspawn any day. Lately I've been aching to taste something sweet, next to my craving for milk. The sweetest thing I've tasted lately is a handful of berries Morrigan found for me, bless her. I appreciated the berries of course, but there is nothing like sinking your teeth into a freshly baked tartlet.

And now that I'm here, I might as well enjoy this copious meal. I run up to the table and grab a muffin. Mmm, chocolate! It seems like centuries ago since I've tasted chocolate. Oh, that gooey texture, that sweet goodness... Let's follow that up with some milk. A whole lot of milk! That creamy taste filling my mouth, yummy.

This vanilla cookie is good too, sweet and crumbly. Sten once said he likes cookies. Too bad I can't take any with me.

"Hello, my love," I hear behind me. I turn around to face my guest. Cullen? I run up to him and wrap my arms around him in a hug.

"Are you another figment of my imagination?" I ruffle his hair with glee.

He nods. "Yes. It seems you crave more than only sweet things," he chuckles mischievously.

I look him up and down. He's in his heavy armour. Not the best of choices. "You are the sweetest thing here, you know." I hand him a pastry I think he'll like (puff pastry with a custard filling, yummy). "Eat, drink. Indulge in this sweetness before I finish it all myself."

He laughs and takes a bite. "Nice." For a while he contently munches away. Then he takes the liberty to pour some wine into a goblet and neatly sip it. Such manners.

"Why did you show up in that gear? You know you're going to have to take it off soon." I grab a bottle of wine and drink straight from it. Sure, I could use a goblet too but it's _my_ party, so I can be as barbaric as I want to be.

"It's your fantasy, sweetheart, not mine." Cullen grins wickedly and pulls off a gauntlet. "But I will do as you wish."

He begins stripping off his armour torturously slowly, revealing more and more bare skin as each part comes off. It appears he's not wearing anything underneath. A pleasant surprise.

I blindly tear a chunk off a beautifully decorated cake nearby and take small bites from it while I watch the image of my beloved slowly removing his armour for me. This cake is delicious! Vanilla and cherries, with a hint of brandy or something like that. Almost as delicious as Cullen's erection slowly coming into view as he teases his skirt off his hips.

"I should have dreams like this more often." I kneel before this vision of utter gorgeousness and grasp his hard-on with my frosting-stained hands. He moans when I twirl my tongue around the tip and roughly pushes my head farther down. The indescribable taste of his flesh mingles with the sweetness of the frosting my hands left on him. Now _that_ is delicious.

I take more and more of him into my mouth, making him almost squeal with joy. And then he grabs me by the back of my head to hold me in place while he enthusiastically thrusts into my mouth. This is new to me, and a bit uncomfortable. I gag with every thrust, but as I swallow, the urge to vomit disappears. Before long he begins throbbing in my mouth and expels a copious amount of bitter seed, groaning all the while.

I swallow all of it, relishing the bitterness. When he releases me, I rise and wipe my mouth, winking at him conspicuously. Cullen grins, his chest rising and falling rapidly. You know, I bet this wonderful milk would taste even better after something so bitter. I bring a jug of it to my lips and empty it with long draughts. Mmm.

"That's impressive," my visitor chuckles. He has a bottle of wine in his hands, from which he occasionally takes a sip. So much for those manners.

"I crave milk. The baby demands it!" I rub my stomach and hiccup.

"Can I feel it?" He stands before me and holds out his hands.

"Of course, my darling." I tear off another piece of cake and begin taking bites from it. I want to savour the flavour. That cherry, vanilla and boozy perfection... I'm just about having a gastronomic orgasm.

"I think I would be able to feel it better if you took off everything." And without further ado he rips my robes clean open. "That's payback for my shirt, little lady." He wags his finger at me in mock anger and has my bodice undergo the same cruel fate.

I can't help but laugh at this silly behaviour. "I only ripped one of your garments, and you did two of mine. How will you make up for it?" Now it's my turn to wag my finger.

He smiles and grabs my wrist to cover the tips of my fingers with little kisses. Every one of those tiny kisses sends flames coursing through my veins, his lips are like liquid fire on my skin. "Maybe like this?" he whispers hoarsely. He goes on pressing light kisses down the inside of my forearm. I can smell his familiar scent, sweet and minty, enveloping me.

The hand that's not on my arm has found its way up, cupping my breast gently. His fingers are quick to find my hard nipple and stroke it softly. My mind is going all fuzzy and I can almost feel wetness slowly trickling down the insides of my thighs. Oh, Maker's breath, but he's good at this.

And then his mouth is gone from my arm, latched onto my own mouth. I part my lips and his tongue plunges in, hungry and demanding, tasting of sweet wine and sweet desserts. It's been a long time since I've felt this. My knees are trembling so hard I need to lean against the table to stay standing. I want him inside me. Badly.

He releases my lips to start a wet trail down my sensitive neck, nipping and sucking. Every touch makes me moan loudly and without shame. I press my leg between his to find that he's as hard as stone again. My hand moves onto his erection and rubs vigorously, eliciting a low moan from his throat.

His lips are on the slopes of my breasts now, lightly brushing my skin. I whip back my head and almost scream when he takes my nipple between his lips, circling it with his tongue, nibbling it gently. My other nipple is rolled between his fingers. My body feels as hot as molten steel when his lips and fingers switch places, sending my mind into a fit of pure pleasure.

And then... Then my sweet templar showers my slightly protruding belly with kisses, rubbing his cheek against it and muttering to the baby. I can't quite hear what he's saying, but it's such an endearing sight. Cullen looks up at me, a gentle smile upon his lips. That smile turns into a wicked grin as he slides down my panties to rub his fingers between my wet nether lips. I nearly faint as two of his fingers slowly slip into me and I feel his tongue on my button, so soft and wet and warm.

I push his head deeper into my lap, revelling in feeling his tongue swiftly flicking against my pulsating button. I'm so bloody aroused my orgasm comes over me in mere moments. My body is enveloped in feeling of pure, unadulterated bliss while I claw at his scalp, screaming out my pleasure all the while. He whimpers, but bravely continues, pumping his fingers in and out of me, licking me slower and slower.

And when I stop panting like an exhausted hound, my beloved rises to meet my lips for a passionate kiss. I rather like how I can taste myself on his tongue. While our tongues are intertwined, I wiggle my legs to shed my panties and let my hands explore the smooth skin on his well-shaped torso.

"Take me." My throat feels thick with the pleasure that I just experienced, that I am experiencing still. Cullen smiles in response, his hands sliding down the small of my back to cup my behind and squeeze it.

I press my breasts against his chest, making him moan in delight. My nipples are hard enough to poke an eye out. Suddenly he spins me around and with a snarl, presses me against the table, pushing my upper body face down onto it. He unceremoniously enters me, stretching me out like I've not been stretched out for a long time. His marvellous cock fills me perfectly. Goodness gracious me. This feels _so_ good, I forget my manners. I've missed having something in me.

My darling thrusts into me hard and fast, grunting and groaning like a wild animal. I've never seen him quite this feral. I bloody _love_ it. It is as if we're mating like beasts; what's not to love about that? It only gets better when he bends his torso over mine and grabs my breasts, sinks his teeth into the scruff of my neck. I cry out in pain and pleasure as he squeezes my nipples mercilessly hard. Behind me I hear his ragged breathing, sometimes a growl. I close my eyes; nothing but darkness and the smells of sweet desserts and fresh sweat around me, the feeling of something hard pumping in and out of me.

One of his hands abandons my breast to curve around my hip. His searching fingers find my button, and I could swear they are made of pure energy, sending bolts of lightning coursing through my body with every stroke. In response my pelvis bucks backwards automatically and pushes him deeper into me. He releases my neck and… howls. Yes, howls. So, so sexy.

The sound he's making almost sets my senses on fire, the onslaught on my swollen little bump proves too much to take and I climax again. My entire body tenses, clenching my muscles around his hardworking member, as these waves of ecstasy swallow me up. Cullen stops his thrusting, his body very still. A raw cry comes out of him and I feel him throbbing fiercely within me, even swelling a little further. Ah, I know what this means. He groans as he comes in me, his body convulsing.

After a while he collapses onto me, sighing and panting. He shrinks within me and retreats, moving to stand beside me.

"You're good for an illusion." I stand up for a good stretch. My upper body's gone a tad stiff.

"You're not so bad yourself," Cullen chuckles. He grabs another bottle of wine from the table and drinks so greedily half of it spills out of his mouth and runs down his chest. Now _that_ I can hardly resist. I kneel before him and press my open mouth against his stomach to catch the falling liquid. He looks at me in surprise when I lick my way up his chest and snatch away his bottle to kiss him yet again.

* * *

_Well _hello _gratuitous sex! There is more, but I cut it in two so your heads won't explode from the sheer amount of Cullen in here. _


	2. My Favourite Things

_Thanks for the reviews, dear readers. It's highly appreciated. Ready for more?_

* * *

His arms snake around my waist as our tongues play a feverish game with one another. Before long he picks me up and lays me down on the table, clearing several dishes of sweet goodness out of the way. Some of them fall to the ground, such waste. I watch my lover kick off his greaves (his only remaining garments) with great haste before joining me on the table. Oh my, what naughty things will we be doing now?

Smiling mischievously he scrapes icing off the cake I've already molested and dabs some onto my lips. I ostentatiously lick it off, eliciting a lustful grin from him. When he leans in to stick his tongue into my mouth again, I feel cool icing on my hot skin. He's applying it to my breasts, paying special attention to my nipples, in a line down my stomach; even on my nether lips do I feel the coolness.

My templar rises to look down on his handiwork, a satisfied smirk on his handsome features.

"So, are you going to finish your dessert like a good boy?" I ask him, trying to purr as seductively as I can. I think I'm doing alright.

He chuckles approvingly at my question. "Oh yes. And I'm going to enjoy it too." With that, he bends down to lick the sweet cream off my nipples. Andraste's mercy, that cool icing, his warm tongue; my eyes roll back into my head of their own accord. He follows the trail of sweetness down my stomach to between my legs. Apparently he's applied icing to my nether regions quite generously. For a long time his tongue swirls about, licking and sucking at my swollen lips and equally swollen button. Although his motions are erratic, he manages to make me come anyway. For the first time since all this began, I scream out his name and dig my nails into his shoulders. I'm almost going delirious with euphoria.

When he moves to enter me, I push him back. "No, no. I would like some dessert as well." I wag my finger at him and he compliantly lets me push him onto his back, his brown eyes gleaming with curiosity and lust.

Now, something chocolaty… I spy a chocolate cake a little farther ahead and scramble to return with a copious amount of chocolate icing on my hands. I think I have enough here to cover two Cullens with, from head to toe. He stares at the chocolate cream in my hands with a look that says "isn't that a bit much?" but what do I care? I love chocolate!

I begin by liberally slathering the stuff across his chest and down his stomach, coat his regained erection with it. He looks delicious; all he needs is a cherry here and there. And you know what? I think I'll just put those cherries on him. A batch of cupcakes nearby is littered with cherries and I pick them off, sticking one into his belly button and placing the rest on him randomly. Now he's perfect.

Cullen looks down on his decorated body with disbelief and glee, giggling at all the cherries. I dab a bit of chocolate to his nose and he tries desperately to catch it with his tongue. Oh Maker, that is just too funny. And adorable. I lick the chocolate off his nose and slip my sticky fingers into his mouth. He eagerly sucks off the icing, his tongue so warm and moist around my fingers.

"Aren't you a tasty dessert?" I whisper into his ear, teasingly sinking my teeth into the lobe. When I look up, I find he's already scraping frosting off his chest and eating it himself. I swat his hands away.

"Bad boy! That's mine you know." The look he sends my way is positively naughty, and maybe a bit rueful. I pick the cherry from his bellybutton with my mouth and dangle it above his face. He catches it between his lips, touching my own. The contact sends a pleasant tingle down my spine.

Leaving my sweetie alone with his cherry, I begin licking the icing off him, eagerly scraping entire mouthfuls away. It tastes even better mingled with the salty taste of sweat from his skin. Sometimes I eat a cherry, munching away the sweet flesh and spitting out the pip, sometimes I lick away chocolate, making him moan softly. Soon his torso is (mostly) free of frosting and there is but one place for me to clean.

His member looks so attractive, all covered in chocolate. Those two might be my two favourite things in all of Thedas: chocolate and penises. And now combined too! I'm ready to burst with joy. I bend down and swirl my tongue around the tip, lapping up that chocolaty goodness. My lover and I moan almost simultaneously. More penis and more chocolate disappear into my mouth, more clean skin and less chocolate come back out. If this isn't the ideal way to enjoy these delicacies, I don't know what is. Before long I have finished my delicious dessert.

"Well then, what should I do now?" I slowly lick icing off my fingers, sending a questioning look Cullen's way.

"I have another treat for you," he speaks hoarsely. In an obscene and rather enticing gesture he grabs his erect member at the base and well, offers it to me. It's an offer I can't refuse.

I straddle his hips and look down on his sticky, chocolate smudged form. My lips are curved upwards in what I hope to be a seductive smile. "For me? Oh, I'm getting spoiled today."

Holding it in place with my hand, I slowly, slowly lower myself onto his erection. We stare into each other's eyes, both moaning softly, both blushing fiercely. Soon he is in me all the way, so hard, so _perfect_… I throw back my head and utter a loud cry; I just can't help it.

His hands creep up my sides, up my ribcage, to hold my breasts and squeeze them, rolling my nipples between his fingers. I let him slip out of me a bit, then push him back in hard. Cullen takes in sharp hissing breaths as I ride him, the squeezing motions of his hands becoming more and more vehement. I will have bruises on me tomorrow for sure. He fills me so well. With every thrust of my hips, my body gets sent further into bliss. And then he begins thrusting upwards in perfect harmony with me and it's almost as if I'm floating on air.

When he begins throbbing inside me, I reach between my legs to swiftly stroke my button. I'm so damned aroused; if I hurry, I can come together with him. That would be a grand finish. My climax builds up quickly. It's right on time; Cullen groans and shudders beneath me as mad pleasure travels through every fibre in my body.

My breathing calms down and I roll off to flop onto my back next to my dearest templar. I look over to him. "Wow... I could just do this every day."

He locks eyes with me and his face splits into an impossibly wide grin, lighting up his beautiful eyes. "Yeah…" He looks exactly how I feel: immensely content.

But then it hits me: none of this is real. I can't help but feel sad and broken, tears streaming down my face. I've not seen Cullen for months and that just tears me apart from the inside out. The illusion next to me takes me into his arms, running his hands up and down my back in long strokes. For a long time I continue to cry in soundless sobs. "I miss you so much."

"I know, love, I know." And then he tentatively presses his lips on mine. All of it feels so real, so heart-wrenchingly real. His mouth moves away from mine to cover my face with soft, gentle kisses. I can only sigh under his touch and close my eyes.

His fingers trace the curve of my spine slowly, finishing their journey on the small of my back. I can feel him harden against me. Gently he guides himself into me. The way he fills me makes my head spin with desire, makes me gasp in pleasure.

"You feel so warm," he breathes. "So soft." His hand moves down my leg to caress my thigh. I wrap my legs around him, enjoying the feel of him inside me. We gaze into each other's eyes. The love and affection that fill those eyes... It nearly breaks my heart. While our lips meet again for another long, tender kiss, Cullen manages to sit up with me, skilfully keeping our bodies connected. I've never been in this position before; I'm sitting on his lap, arms and legs wrapped around him, he sitting cross-legged, his erection buried deep within me.

He feels so good, so perfect. I throw back my head and try to keep my moaning as demure as I can, but it's _so_ difficult. When his lips trail down my neck and he whispers: "Don't try to keep quiet. Let me hear you," do I dare to scream with joy and pleasure. This is too much, real or not.

"Do you wish me to move?" I'm panting like a happy dog, my voice hoarse and throaty.

"Please." I am more than happy to fulfil his request and grind my hips against his, slowly and carefully at first, but faster and harder when his hands close around my breasts and fondle them. Our cries mingle as I continue to rock my hips to experience that marvellous friction, my eyes closed to drown out anything else but the feeling of his body.

His lips trail even lower and he arches his back to touch his warm tongue to my breasts in erratic patterns, suck on my nipples and sometimes bite down into my tender flesh. But soon he straightens his back again and covers my mouth with his own, pulling my upper body against his. I can feel his heartbeat, strong and quick; it echoes the beating of my own heart. He takes over from me, thrusting his pelvis upwards and sends my body flying into ecstasy.

The soft throbbing tells me he is close to his release and I open my eyes to find him staring back at me. His eyes are half-closed, a deep shade of red colouring his cheeks, a single drop of sweat trickling down the side of his face, all so sensuous. From his expression I can tell he's straining not to come. This time I want to see his face.

"Don't hold back," I whisper into his ear. I sit up straight to look him in the eye and cup his face in my hands. "Come. Fill me with your seed."

His eyes widen with shock and surprise upon hearing my filthy words. "Don't... speak like that," he chokes out. Right before his eyes roll back into his head and his mouth opens for a raw, long-drawn scream. His member is throbbing violently inside me, his fingers digging painfully into my hips, but that beautiful expression on his face makes everything so worthwhile.

After some time the throbbing recedes and his breathing slows. His chest heaves with every breath. "That was amazing." His voice sounds so adoring I could almost cry.

"Indeed it was." I caress his cheek and briefly kiss him. "Tomorrow I will see you, and you had best be ready for me."

Cullen utters a hearty laugh. "I will be, I'm sure. Where are you now?"

"We are camped close to the tower. We'll get there by midday tomorrow." I know already that my body will be screaming for a man's touch as soon as I wake up, whenever I think of this. Of him.

He fondly caresses my cheek and kisses me. "Don't be sad, my love. Everything will be fine."

"Yes, of course it will." I smile, all possible scenarios of what I will do with the real Cullen playing through my mind. I hope he didn't skip breakfast by the time I get to him, because he will need the energy of the most important meal of the day.

* * *

_Inspired by my infinite love of sex and chocolate. And cake. Here though, the cake is a lie. It's not real cake.  
_


	3. Templars Can Be So Easily Distracted

_Ye Gods! If anyone can recall me whining about a financial management test I had to take: I really thought I'd severely fucked it up. But get this! I passed! **Oh joy of joys**! So here's an extra chapter to celebrate. Here's to not paying attention in class at all, not doing homework or preparing for the test, but passing anyway! _

* * *

"Astoreth..." A male voice is softly calling my name, nudging my shoulder. I groan. I don't want to wake up; I want to dream a bit more of frantic lovemaking, covered in cake. Last night's dream was… magical almost. I enjoyed licking all that chocolate off him. Mmm, yes, especially off _it_, if you get my meaning. But as Alistair continues speaking my name and shaking me lightly, I guess such dreams are for another time.

"What is it?" I crack my eyes open and see him looming over me, ridiculously large in the small space of my tent. I bet Morrigan made some nasty comments about him coming in here, if she saw. Such a handsome fellow he is. And I'm really horny too. My hands are practically itching to get under his shirt and stroke every bit of bare skin I can find, to peel those pants off him and... No, bad Astoreth!

"I know it's not the best of times to be thinking about this, but I'd like to ask you something." He looks nervous, fidgeting about. I yawn and sit up, try to rub the sleep from my eyes.

"What's on your mind?" It seems rather important, or maybe embarrassing, if he's so nervous.

"Well..." He clears his throat. "Chances are we'll be heading to Denerim soon, and I wonder if we might be able to look someone up when we're there." He eyes me expectantly, a pink flush adorning his cheeks.

Now I'm curious. "Who might that be, a friend of yours?" I am tempted to say lover, but surely he wouldn't have stayed a virgin if he'd had one of those.

Alistair chuckles awkwardly. "I don't mean a friend, exactly. And it's not that sort of friend either!" he protests upon seeing my raised eyebrows. Well, if one says he doesn't exactly mean a friend, what am I supposed to think?

"The thing is, I have a sister," he continues. "A half-sister, Goldanna is her name. My mother had a daughter, but I never knew of her. I don't think she knew about me either, but after I Joined I did some checking, and well... I found out she's still alive." The hopeful expression on his handsome face is just so adorable. "In Denerim!"

I give him a nod and he goes on talking, his expression suddenly grave. "With the Blight coming and everything, I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to see her. And she's the only family I have left, so..."

"Sure, we'll go see your sister when we're in Denerim. I promise." I smile at him and he does the same, his smile so bright it nearly blinds me.

"That would be great!" he says happily. "I don't know if I could forgive myself if something happened to her and I never went to at least see her."

"Don't you worry about that. I'll make sure you will meet her." I pat his shoulder.

"Thank you. We should be breaking up camp and leave, so I'll leave you to it." He moves to exit my tent.

"Before you go, let me ask you something, Alistair."

His head turns in my direction. "Yes? What can I do for you?"

"Imagine you're Cullen, yes? Would you rather see me in the black robes, or the pale green ones I wore before?" I hope this doesn't get awkward; it's kind of a personal question.

He laughs. "How should I know how he wants to see you? I don't even know the guy!"

"Then what would _you_ prefer to see me in?" Sure, that is not personal at all...

His expression grows pensive as he seems to mull my question over, chewing his lip in thought. "Then definitely the green ones," he finally says with a wide grin, a mischievous glint in his eye, his cheeks a deep shade of red. The boy's getting a bit bolder, ha.

"Thank you." I wink at him and he puts up his thumbs before crawling out of my tent. The half-naked robes it is then.

* * *

I'm so nervous. I dolled myself up especially for my templar. Put on my old half-naked robes, borrowed some of Morrigan's lip pigment, have Alistair's rose in my hair, pinched my cheeks to look like a blushing maiden. These robes still fit, but only barely. It would appear my chest has grown a bit too; I didn't notice before but the old bosom pokes out a bit farther now. I aim to drive my beloved almost mad with desire and I think I look the part.

Looking at Kinloch Hold rising up out of Lake Calenhad, I can't help but feel there might be something wrong. You know, when we went to Redcliffe I thought well, we will see the arl, talk to the man and hope for his support. But no, the town was suffering from nightly attacks by living dead. And the arl's little boy is possessed by a demon and the man himself has been poisoned. What will we encounter here? An outbreak of the sniffles? Pink ponies running amok? Evil bunnies maybe?

"How very fitting that they would build a prison for mages in the middle of a lake and make it look like a giant phallus," Morrigan scoffed next to me upon seeing the tower. Yeah, come to think of it, it does look like a bit phallic. I will never look at my former home the same way again. I mean, I just found out I lived most of my life inside a giant penis. Heh, penis.

I remember that the last time, Duncan and I were ferried over by some portly man by the name of Kester. He was nice; kept talking up a storm during the trip across the lake. But apparently he's been decommissioned by none other than Greagoir. Because something is amiss in the tower. I bloody knew it.

To keep people out, or to only let certain people enter, a templar has been put in charge of the ferry. I think I know this guy. He had a rather girl-like name. Carrie? Carla? Ah yes, Carroll. I've seen him about in the tower.

"Hey, I know you!" he yells as soon as we approach. "That girl Cullen was always going on about. Look at you, all grown up." His eyes linger on my chest. I'm starting to get used to it. Oh, Cullen. Just hearing his name stabs me like a sharp knife. I desperately want to see him.

"Hello Carroll." I raise my hand in greeting. "We'd like to get across."

"No one gets to the tower! No one! The tower is off-limits to all!" he says, waving his arms around.

Yes, of course. Something is wrong. "I'm a Grey Warden, and I need to speak with the Circle."

"Oh, you're a Grey Warden, are you? Prove it." He looks at me, daring me to do something. Well, who am I to disappoint him?

"See this?" I point to my pendant filled with darkspawn blood, resting delicately above my cleavage. "This means I'm a Grey Warden." I fold my arms beneath my breasts, slightly pressing them together. As I suspected, the fool's gaze isn't fixed to my pendant but directly below it. He's almost drooling.

"Will you take us there now? Please?" I don't even have to bat my eyes at him; he just nods absently. I'm not even sure if he heard my honey-coated words. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm so damned smooth.

"You know very well how to use your charms," Leliana whispers into my ear, her voice laced with admiration and for some reason, pride.

"Thank you," I whisper back, patting her arm.

"Come along, I suppose," Carroll mumbles. When we all get in a single file to get into the boat, he begins protesting. "Hey whoa, not all of you! This boat will only hold four others."

"Then perhaps you would like to stay here, Morrigan? I'd like to spare you the sight of all these mages huddled together in that tower like sheep in a corral. It's not pretty." I'd actually like to spare myself her whining about how mages let the Circle and the Chantry rob them of their freedom, blah, blah, blah. Not everyone gets to grow up in the Korcari Wilds under the tutelage of an ancient abomination. If she truly is who she claims to be, that is.

She sighs, knowing full well why I want her to stay behind. "Very well. I suppose your mangy beast will have to keep me company then?"

Stubbs barks and looks at me expectantly. I nod to him and he begins leading Morrigan away to the inn, carefully holding her wrist in his mouth. Mabari are awesome.

I throw the witch my coin purse. "Get yourself a nice room!" She deftly catches it, shoots me a mean glare and begins complaining to Stubbs how she is perfectly able to walk to the inn herself and he need not guide her. Of course my war hound, proud beast as he is, will not take no for an answer. I love him so.

Guess that settles it then. Off we go to the tower. My old home.


	4. Saving the Circle

Templars are running around frantically and the knight-commander himself (oh joy of joys) is standing in the entrance hall, apparently giving instructions to one of his subordinates. I hear him saying something about keeping the doors closed. Well, that's not good.

"The doors are barred," Alistair remarks astutely. "Are they keeping people out, or in?"

I am wondering that myself. Oh Maker, please don't let it be something terrible.

Upon hearing Alistair speak, Greagoir turns in our direction. "I don't have time to entertain visitors." The exhausted look on his face turns utterly sour when he sees me. "Well, look who's back. A proper Grey Warden now, are we? Glad you're not dead."

"Oh yes, I can tell how much you mean that. So what is the matter?" Please let it be something non-lethal!

The knight-commander sighs. "I shall speak plainly: the tower is no longer under our control. Demons and abominations stalk the tower's halls."

The news hits me like a bolt of lightning. Demons and abominations? No... Cullen could be dead, Daniela could be dead. Everyone could be dead. This is worse than I could've ever imagined.

"And now what? What will you do?"

"I have sent word to Denerim, calling for reinforcements and the Right of Annulment," Greagoir replies.

"The Right of Annulment?" I feel the urge to grab the man by the shoulders and shake him. "You want to exterminate the entire Circle?"

Alistair lays a hand on my arm. "The mages are probably already dead. Any abominations in there must be dealt with no matter what," he says softly.

"The situation is dire. There is no alternative – everything in the tower must be destroyed so it can be made safe again." The knight-commander doesn't seem to have much regret, wanting to murder everyone he was supposed to watch over. Well, I never...

"I think not. I will go in and try to save whoever I can, demons and abominations be damned!" I feel ready to explode with anger. Right of Annulment, humph. I'm going to annul his face if he keeps up this attitude.

"I assure you, an abomination is a force to be reckoned with…"

"Well, so are we!" Ah, but here I am being impulsive again. Still, I don't want the entire Circle to be annulled. If I have to put us in danger, so be it. We are a tiny army after all. Besides, the Circle cannot help us exorcise that demon from Connor if they are annulled, now can they?

Seeing my determination, Greagoir sighs. "A word of caution, once you pass that threshold, there is no turning back. The great doors must remain barred. Only when the first enchanter stands before me and tells me it is over, will I believe it."

I nod. "Understood."

"I hope you know what you're doing," Alistair mumbles behind me. Sten is grumbling; no doubt thoughts about how we are making the darkspawn and the Blight wait are crossing his mind. I don't hear a peep out of Leliana. She's probably already thinking of a way to turn this into a story for her collection.

Frankly, I have _some_ doubts about this. There are only four of us here, and this tower is vast. But then the doors close behind us and there is no way back. We will save the tower, or die trying. Well, at least Morrigan and Stubbs are still safe. Our footsteps echo in the marble halls, so strangely empty.

Ah, the apprentice quarters. This takes me back, seeing the chamber I used to sleep in. When we were little, Jowan would often crawl into bed with me and we'd talk until we fell asleep. It got a bit awkward when we grew up, so we stopped doing that at some point. It's too bad those times had to end. Anyway, why am I reminiscing? There is a tower to save here. Just look at this place, the furniture has fallen over, dead bodies on the floor. They are burnt and charred beyond all recognition. Incredibly sad. I guess I should count myself lucky I wasn't here when this all happened. Would Daniela be dead too? I certainly hope not, but she might be.

A little farther ahead we hear children screaming and we run to their aid, only to find a white-haired elderly lady defeating a demon. Her red robes mark her as a senior enchanter. Very impressive. There are a few other mages here too, and some very young apprentices. All of them are quite shaken up, understandably.

The senior enchanter turns to us. "You? You've returned to the tower?" A look of recognition flashes in her eyes. Do I know her? Wait, I think I do. "Why did the templars let you through? Are you here to warn us?"

I met her at Ostagar, spoke with her briefly. I recall she called Cailan a puppy. "Wynne, right? Warn you about what?" It would seem she already knows about the demon threat in here.

"Do the templars intend to attack us? They would only open the doors if they do." The poor woman looks incredibly anxious.

"They are waiting for the Right of Annulment." Wynne shakes her head sadly when I tell her this. "What has happened here anyway?"

"Let it suffice to say that we had something of a revolt on our hands, led by a mage named Uldred. He tried to take over the Circle after returning from Ostagar," Wynne explains. Take over the Circle? This is certainly a brilliant time to do that, what with the Blight threatening Ferelden and everything. Yes, just brilliant.

"As you can see, it didn't work out as he had planned. I don't know what became of Uldred, but I am certain this is all his doing. I will not lose the Circle to one man's pride and stupidity," she says resolutely.

"Well, we are here to help, so do you have any suggestions?" I am quite anxious myself to clear this place. And my morbid curiosity wants to know what an abomination looks like, what I could've become had I failed my Harrowing.

"I erected a barrier over the door leading further so nothing inside could attack the children," Wynne says, pointing to the door. Only then do I see the barrier of blue crackling energy over it. How could I have missed that? "I will dispel it if you join with me to save the Circle."

After seeing her finish off that demon, I am more than happy to. "Agreed. Let's get going right now."

With a wave of her hand, Wynne dispels the barrier and the energy disappears. Introductions are made and soon we are off. So now there are five of us. I'm becoming surer and surer that we can save the Circle.


	5. The Nosey Neighbour

I swear I cannot take any more of this. With every dead templar I see lying on the ground, my heart shrinks. So far Cullen wasn't among them, but any of them could have been him. I pray he is alright, but I must be prepared for the worst. Alistair's been casting me worried glances and Leliana looks puzzled whenever I rip the helmet off a dead templar and sigh in relief when it's not Cullen. I suppose I should tell her, but now is hardly the time. The tower is a mess. Blood, death and ash everywhere, disgusting sacks of flesh lining the walls. We've encountered abominations (_not_ pretty), demons of several types, blood mages, walking dead even. We could be attacked at any time.

Owain was still in the stock room, surrounded by death, but otherwise as fine as a Tranquil could ever be. Apparently one Niall came by earlier to collect the Litany of Adralla. If I remember correctly, that offers protection against the mind domination blood mages use. It would be of great help if we found this thing. I remember Niall: I spoke to this fellow shortly after my Harrowing and he bored me with some dry facts about different factions of mages and their opinion on our relationship with the Chantry. I almost fled that conversation. Owain said he was trying to tidy the place up, but had been unsuccessful so far. We left him there, because he wanted to be in a familiar place. Tranquil are so _strange_.

Ah, not a moment's rest do we get. Three abominations are storming towards us, clamouring for our deaths. I'm not going to indulge them, no ser. The first is quickly knocked down by Alistair's shield, after which the Warden mercilessly stabs his sword through its heart. Sten has engaged the second; its head flies into a corner of the room after mere seconds, while Wynne, myself and Leliana pelt the third with projectiles: Wynne and I use arcane energy, Leliana peppers the bastard with arrows.

Only when the abominations are dead, do I notice where we are. "My old room!" Look at that. My bed is in shambles, book cases toppled over, the carpet stained with blood and scorch marks. Quite the homecoming.

The closet in the corner is strangely untouched. I wonder if something of mine is still in there, or maybe something I could use. Breathing noises…

I knock on the door. "Anyone in here?"

"Is it safe to come out?" a muffled man's voice asks.

I nod, but of course he can't see that. "Yes, come on out."

A brown-haired mage steps out of the closet and stretches, making all kinds of strained noises.

"Are you alright?" We don't really have time for this, but you don't see someone coming out of a closet every day.

"I have a crick in my back and my bum's gone numb. Holy Maker!" He looks around incredulously. "Those demons didn't know what hit them, did they?" Amusingly enough, the mage does a curtsy. "Godwin, mage of the Circle of Ferelden, at your service."

"I hope that means you will help us save the Circle." Just a tentative suggestion. I don't hold much hope; after all, I'm speaking with a guy who was hiding in a closet.

"No, no. I just want to be somewhere safe. I think I'll just stay in here a while and see what happens." He sets one foot back inside the closet. "Thank you for saving me. May we meet again, in happier, less life-threatening times." And with that he gets back into his hiding place and closes the door behind him.

"And so Godwin's attempt to come out of the closet fails miserably," Alistair declares with a dramatic gesture. Leliana goes into a fit of laughter and Wynne chuckles, half-amused. Sten sends me a look that has "What is so funny?" written all over it. I shrug. It _isn't_ all that funny.

Apparently Godwin isn't very happy with Alistair's statement. "I'm not gay!" A brief pause. "And I'm not in denial either!"

Heh, now that _is_ funny.

* * *

The first enchanter's office. I hopefully open the door; maybe Irving is in here? But no, he isn't. Of course not. That would be too good to be true, wouldn't it? And if I've learned anything from our adventures so far, it's that nothing ever comes easy.

Now that we're here I might as well raid the place. Surely Irving won't mind. And if he does, well, that's just too bad for him. First, the closet. Oh, these robes are nice, but they are meant for a man. These are coming with me because I can put them on as soon as I'm too huge to fit into my regular robes.

"Hey, look at this." Alistair, who was enthusiastically rummaging through a chest near the desk, hands me a book. It's bound in black leather, the words _Black_ _Grimoire_ written by hand on the first page. Must be a book of spells, or something. Flipping through the pages, most of it doesn't make any sense to me. What I do get, is that the magic in here is rather dark.

"I'm sure Morrigan would like this," my fellow Warden remarks casually. Strange for him to suggest giving Morrigan anything, but he is right. Dark magic is right up that woman's alley.

"You're right. Are you beginning to like her?" I wink and nudge him in the ribs with my elbow. His face immediately flushes.

"I will never like her!" he sputters.

I give him a little pat on the shoulder. "It was just a little joke, Alistair. I know how much you two dislike each other." They squabble so often, it's like they're a married couple. But I'm sure Morrigan would turn me into dust if I ever said that aloud.

"Good," Alistair grumbles and dives right back into the chest. I'm pretty much done here and Leliana and Wynne have also finished perusing the books. As always, Sten is standing at attention. When Alistair is done digging through the contents of that chest, we can continue.

* * *

In the Templar Quarters we are greeted by a rather unnerving sight. A very seductive female demon (I would've enjoyed my Harrowing better if one of _them_ had followed me around instead of that Mouse) and a templar are talking with one another. I can hear her say things about children and tucking them into bed and whatnot. From the way the man doesn't even notice us, it would appear she has him entranced, caught in an illusion, I don't know.

"Sooo… What's going on in here?"

As soon as I've asked my question, the templar says: "Do you hear something, love?" He doesn't see us though, just looks straight through us. His demon shushes him with sweet words and turns towards me.

"You are intruding upon a loving, intimate moment and I dislike disruptions." Even with that slight anger in her voice, she sounds seductive. And that outfit, wow. All she's wearing is a necklace that also serves as a nipple-covering for her perfectly round breasts, a pair of frilly sleeves and an equally frilly pair of trousers that barely hide her goodies from prying eyes. And here I thought Morrigan was dressed revealingly. The demon even has a tail; imagine the things one could do with that. Mmm.

"That templar is under some spell of yours, isn't he?"

"Happiness is bewitching. There is a certain power in all things mortals delight in," the demon coos, running her hand up her breast. Gulp. I don't know if she does that on purpose or if it's just a habit her kind has, but it kind of excites me. This must be a desire demon, judging from the way she affects me. Wait, does this mean I'm...? Oh, like it matters.

"But he is in an illusion, a lie." I can't help but feel intrigued. I know that demons are usually very bad for one's health, but this templar just looks so… happy. Dazed, but happy.

"I have given him what he always wanted. Where is the harm in that?" She moves behind her prey and almost lovingly strokes his arm.

"What you've done to him is abhorrent!" Wynne says indignantly.

"I saw his loneliness and longing for a family that loved him," the demon replies, unfazed.

"A family where the wife and children are in reality the same person… thing. That there defines creepy," Alistair says with shock in his voice.

"How long will you keep him in this stupor? Will he know it when his body fails and death claims him?" Wynne is almost blowing smoke out of her ears; this situation really seems to anger her.

"A short, blissful existence is preferable to an interminable one of misery." The demon smiles and runs a clawed finger along her templar's cheek. It almost looks as if she really cares about him. But what she just said… It sounds very reasonable. If I had died after my first night with Cullen, well, I'd have died a very happy woman.

"He certainly looks blissful," Leliana remarks, her voice filled with amazement.

Still, I wonder if that templar really is in such a blissful existence. "Might I speak with him? Just convince him I'm your nosey neighbour woman or something."

The demon chuckles, apparently amused by my suggestion. "It is done."

"Hello my friend, how are you?" I yell and clap the templar on the shoulder.

His vacant gaze shifts to me and he smiles. A little strained, I might add. It would seem he is convinced I am not only nosey but also annoying. "Good day to you, miss."

"So how are you feeling?" I lower my voice to a hushed tone. "Your wife tells me you haven't been yourself lately."

"Not myself?" He looks at me quizzically and laughs. "The children have so much energy they drain me sometimes, chasing them around the house. But otherwise I feel fine." He chuckles a little to himself. I'm becoming more and more convinced this illusion is doing him good. I mean, I'm sure an existence of watching over usually boring mages in a cold tower isn't all it's cracked up to be.

"Ah yes, I know how children can be. She really is something, isn't she, that wife of yours?" I nudge him in the ribs and wink conspicuously. "I bet she makes you _very_ happy."

The templar raises his eyebrows at the suggestive tone of my voice but laughs anyway, a bit awkwardly. This gossipy, annoying neighbour thing kind of suits me. Which is rather frightening, if you think about it.

"She certainly is, and she certainly does," the templar replies, his tone full of affection.

I study his face. He looks so happy. Damn, I'm almost jealous. "Well then, I must be off. Say hello to the family for me."

The templar nods. "I will. Goodbye."

"That is quite an elaborate illusion you have crafted for him." I am thoroughly impressed. "Very well. I will leave you be, if you do the same for us."

The demon nods contently. "This I will do. I vow to do no harm to you, nor those who travel with you. You have my thanks, if that means anything to you. You will not see us again." The kiss she blows me makes me shiver. Not with fear exactly.

"Come, my pet," she tells the templar. "We are going for a walk. The children want you to show them all the stars in the night sky."

With a happy smile the man offers her his arm, she accepts it and as they walk out of the room, a puff of smoke engulfs them and they disappear, hopefully to be never seen again. Before they evaporated though, I caught the templar speaking about "that annoying woman next door". Damn, I'm good.

"Why did you allow them to leave?" Wynne bristles at me. "What she is doing to him…"

"Would you rather have killed him instead? I have no doubts that if we'd attacked her, we'd have to kill him too. And trust me, I know happiness when I see it." And that was one happy man.

The senior enchanter sighs in resignation. "You are right. Forgive me, dear."

Alistair looks uneasy, but says nothing. Sten nods at me approvingly, as does Leliana. Well, I'm glad they don't question my judgment overmuch.

* * *

_Before anyone starts asking, talking to the bewitched templar isn't something you missed in the game. I fully made that one up (now your review doesn't make sense anymore, Enaid!). My poor trial-reading homeboy got a bit confused when he read that part, so just in case: it's not from DA:O itself. _


	6. So Bloody Sleepy

More strain on my poor heart. So many templars assaulted us here, so many we had to kill. Thankfully Cullen wasn't among them, but I expect to come across his dead body any time now. I feel ready to scream and cry, but I have to keep it together. Now is certainly not the time to break down and lose it.

Especially not when we have an abomination to fight. It is standing over a mage's body; I can't tell if he's alive or dead, but he's not moving and his eyes are open. That's Niall, if I'm not mistaken.

"Oh look, visitors," the abomination drawls as it turns to greet us. "I'd entertain you, but… too much effort involved." Its voice sounds utterly lazy and bored. But also bewitching, somehow. That voice reminds me of the lazy bear demon I met during my Harrowing. He called himself a demon of sloth. Is this abomination possessed by one?

"What have you done to him?" I point to the body at its feet.

"He is just resting. Poor lad was so very, very weary. You want to join us, don't you?" The abomination's voice drowns out everything else. His words are almost like a lullaby. Suddenly I feel so tired.

"Wouldn't you like to just lay down and… forget about all this? Leave it all behind?"

Oh boy, would I. I just want to sleep. Forget the Blight, forget the… Say what now? Have you finally lost your mind, Astoreth formerly-known-as-Amell? Fight the sleepiness, damn it!

"Why do you fight? You deserve more… You deserve a rest. The world will go on without you."

No, don't go to sleep! We have stuff to do, although, I can't remember what it was again. I have to close my eyes, just for a moment. So bloody sleepy…

* * *

How do we end up in these crazy situations? I remember fragments of a frantic run through the Fade; first I was caught in my own dream. Supposedly the Blight was over and I was in Weisshaupt Fortress enjoying my retirement. Duncan was there, and two other Wardens I'd never seen before. I had to kill them to escape. Seriously, if that demon wanted me to stay, it should have come up with something a whole bloody lot sexier. Should've just given me a big, comfortable bed and Cullen, naked. And maybe thrown in Daveth as well, that would've been fun. And Jowan. And Alistair... Maker's breath, I'm terrible. Oh well.

And then... A Fade pedestal. It was a means to travel to different islands in the domain of the sloth demon that rules here. Niall was trapped there too. He was pretty down in the dumps; probably because he had been here for a while, trying to get out. He wouldn't help me with actions (too depressed), only with information. So I milked him for all he was worth. Turned out the sloth demon was in the centre island, surrounded by five islands that block it. Each island was ruled by a lesser demon under its command. All those demons had to die before I would be able to get to the sloth demon.

It was reasonably easy to kill them. That is, as soon as I was able to change into either a mouse, some kind of spirit, a flaming walking corpse or a golem. That's right: I did some shapeshifting. It's surprisingly easy, as long as you find the right people to teach you. I know Morrigan is a shapeshifter; maybe she would be willing to teach me as well? I doubt I will be able to turn into something else when I get out of this rotten place.

And killing these demons wasn't the only thing I had to do. No, I also had to release the others from the dream they were caught in, mostly by myself. Long story short: Alistair was dreaming he was leading a happy family life with his sister and her children, Leliana dreamt she was back at the Chantry, Wynne was stuck in a nightmare of dead apprentices surrounding her and Sten was with two of his old qunari companions. Turns out Sten isn't actually his name, but his rank in his people's army. At any rate, the illusions had to be overcome violently and even then I didn't get my companions back; they disappeared soon after. Well, at least they're not stuck in their dreams anymore.

So now I'm standing in front of the sloth demon, still alone.

"What have we here? A rebellious minion? An escaped slave?" it says in that lazy voice.

"You ser, are extremely ugly." Just look at it: a desiccated corpse with lips shrivelled so far away its teeth are constantly bared in a hideous grin; tattered robes; long, clawed fingers. Not my idea of sexy.

"My, my, you have some gall." The demon chuckles. "But playtime is over. You all have to go back now."

"Oh, here I am. And there you are!" I hear Alistair say behind me. "You just disappeared. Well, no matter."

"You tried to keep us apart. You led us from each other because you fear us, don't you?" Leliana taunts his ugliness with her lovely voice.

"I am here," Sten says, dryly as always. "And it is time to finish this. I have had enough of cages."

"You will not hold us, demon!" Wynne bristles. She sounds as angry as she did when we encountered that female demon. "We found each other in this place and you cannot stand against us!"

"Yeah! What they said!" I firmly place my free hand on my hip and pound my staff on the ground. Maker, am I glad they showed up here.

"If you go back quietly, I'll do better this time. I will make you much happier." The demon still speaks in his bored voice, seemingly not worried by our rebellion. I wonder if it can show actual emotion.

"No, thank you. I will make my own happiness." I do hope Cullen is still all right. If not, this happiness might be a tad more difficult to get to.

"Can't you think about someone other than yourself? I'm hurt, so very hurt," sloth speaks with an audible pout.

"Aw, boohoo!" I ostentatiously wipe imaginary tears from my eyes. "You're almost making me cry." I point my staff in his direction in what I hope is a menacing gesture. "Just die already."

"You wish to battle me?" The demon chuckles again. "Very well. You will learn to bow to your betters, mortal!"

It lets out a frightful roar and transforms. Into an ogre. Ieh, that brings back some nasty memories. I thoroughly despise ogres.

* * *

Now that it's over, I'm certainly relieved the others were just in time to kill sloth together with me. Had I been alone, I probably would not have survived. This was a battle I will try to forget as quickly as possible, same with my traipsing through the Fade. It was highly unpleasant. Just when we thought the ogre was going down, it turned into something else and so on and so on, until the demon finally faced us in his own form.

That was the most terrible of all, especially when he summoned that blizzard. I could hardly see a thing and it was _so cold_. I nearly ran out of mana a few times, but conveniently there were lyrium veins around that both Wynne and I could use. And now it's dead, lying at my feet as a broken mess. Just deserts!

Suddenly Niall pops up. "You defeated the demon!" He looks incredulously at the corpse. "I never expected you to free us." He swallows uncomfortably. "When you return, take the Litany from... my body. It will protect you against the worst of the blood magic." How very sad he sounds.

"Your body? You mean you're dying?"

"Yes. Every minute I was here, the demon used my life to fuel this nightmare. There is too little of me left." He sighs sadly. "I was never meant to save the Circle. I'm no hero. Perhaps trying to be one was foolish."

"No, don't say that." I lay a hand on his arm. He's cold as death. "You did a lot to help the Circle."

"Maybe you're right. Before I was taken to the Circle, my mother said I was meant for greatness, that I was more than my ancestors could ever have dreamed." Another sad sigh escapes him. "I hope I didn't disappoint her."

I smile at him in a way I hope looks encouraging. "I am sure she is very proud of you, Niall. Are you sure there is nothing I can do for you?"

A look of gratitude flashes over his features. "Thank you, but it's too late for me. I do not fear what may come. They say we return to the Maker in death, and that isn't such a terrible thing." Niall smiles at me, seemingly at peace. "Now it's time for both of us to be on our way. The Circle is the only thing that matters now. Thank you, and goodbye, friend."

And then everything around us crumbles. Next thing I know, I'm lying on a floor that's sticky with blood. Now my robes are definitely ruined. Around me the others have awoken as well. The abomination lies died, as does Niall. A search of his pockets yields the Litany of Adralla, our weapon against the blood mages. As a last courtesy I close his lifeless eyes and position him on his back, crossing his arms before his chest. What a way to go.

Watch out, Uldred. We're coming to get you...


	7. A Crappy Reunion

_And now, the part you've all been waiting for:_

* * *

When we burst through a door, wary to find more abominations, demons or whatever to attack us, I nearly faint. There he is. My beloved, my templar, the father of my child. Cullen. He's not dead! A tidal wave of relief so strong it nearly knocks me off my feet washes over me. But what is that pink bubble that surrounds him? Oh no.

As I walk up to him, he snaps to. "This trick again? I know what you are. I will stay strong." His voice sounds strained. What is happening here? He kneels and clasps his hands together in prayer.

"Cullen? It's me. You remember me, don't you?" I would've expected a warmer welcome, despite all this. The others are quiet; it's almost as if they know what he means to me. I hope Alistair's not been blabbing.

"Oh, I remember all right. Enough visions! If anything in you is human, kill me now. You broke the others, but I will stay strong. For my sake, for theirs..." he rambles. "I'm so tired of these cruel jokes!" His voice trails off and nearly breaks. "Tempting me with her gentle eyes, her soft lips, her warm body..." he mumbles. I hope nobody else heard that.

I place my hand on his strange cage. It feels cool and very delicate, but I doubt I could break it. Otherwise he would've done so himself. "Cullen, it's really me!" I get into a kneeling position as well but I cannot look him in the eye as he has lowered his head.

Verses of the Chant of Light frantically tumble from his lips. "_Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide. I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond. For there is no darkness in the Maker's Light and nothing he has wrought shall be lost_," he rapidly recites. Fitting. If I'm not mistaken, that's from the Canticle of Trials. One of the few verses I can remember, because it feels rather empowering. I'm not all that religious, but sometimes it helps.

How else could I reply to that than with another verse? "_Maker, though the darkness comes upon me, I shall embrace the light. I shall weather the storm. I shall endure. What you have created, no one can tear asunder._" I press my lips to the cage, leaving a dark red imprint on its surface. Somewhere behind me I hear a girlish gasp from Leliana. Apparently it is surprising I would know some verses of the Chant.

Upon hearing my words, my darling looks up at me, staring incredulously at the red smear upon his cage. My name escapes his lips in a heavy sigh. "It's really you."

"Cullen..." Suddenly my cheeks are wet; I must be crying. Maker, I'm so happy he is still alive!

"Don't blame me for being cautious. The voices, the images... So real." He gets to his feet and stares down at me. "Why did you return to the tower? How did you survive?"

"I..." His words are cold. This is not how I remembered him. Whatever has happened? "The Grey Wardens need the Circle's assistance. And I survived through dumb luck and the help of my companions." I point in their general direction with my thumb. "Greagoir told me what was going on, and I decided to help."

"Good. Kill Uldred. Kill them all for what they've done." His eyes are burning with a murderous intensity I've never seen in him before. "They caged us like animals... looked for ways to break us. I'm the only one left."

"Be proud," Sten suddenly says. "You mastered yourself." His voice shows admiration. That's the most emotion I've ever heard the man show.

"Be proud?" Cullen lashes out. "What is there to be proud of? That I lived and they died? They turned some into monsters... and there was nothing I could do." A hint of sadness has crept into the anger in his tone.

"I'm sorry," I mumble. Again there is nothing I can do. In the face of all of this despair and death, I am utterly powerless, no matter how much I'd like to help or make things better.

"And to think I once thought we were too hard on you." Cullen's fiery gaze has shifted to me. What did _I_ do? "Only mages have such power at their fingertips. Only mages are this susceptible to the infernal whisperings of demons," he bristles.

Thankfully, Wynne interjects: "This is a discussion for another time! Irving and the other mages who fought Uldred, where are they?"

"They are in the Harrowing Chamber." The templar's eyes dart anxiously toward the door leading to it. "The sounds coming out from there, oh Maker..."

I get back to my feet and slap my fist to my palm. "Uldred will pay for what he has done." Now it's even more personal.

"We must hurry. They are in grave danger, I'm sure of it," Wynne frets.

"You can't save them," Cullen turns our attention back to him. "You don't know what they've become."

"And you do?" I ask him softly. I can't stand to see him like this. And it's as if he blames me for it too. But I suppose that right now, he blames all mages. I have no possibility of knowing or understanding what he's been through.

"They've been surrounded by b-blood mages whose wicked fingers snake into your mind and corrupt your thoughts." He shudders furiously.

"His hatred of mages is so intense," Alistair suddenly says. It's the first time he's spoken in a while. "The memory of his friends' deaths is still fresh in his mind." No doubt that also serves as a warning for me not to push him overmuch. He needn't worry. I don't intend to.

"You have to end it now, before it's too late," Cullen speaks urgently.

"Are you asking me to kill all of my brothers and sisters in there?" I can't believe he's asking this of me. "I cannot make such a decision before I've seen the situation for myself."

"Are you really saving anyone by taking this risk?" The anger has returned to his voice. No, this certainly isn't the gentle man I used to know. Let's hope this change isn't permanent.

"Look, my mind is made up. We need to help them quickly. Stay safe."

And so I walk away without looking back to ascend the stairs to the Harrowing Chamber. This was certainly not the reunion I had hoped for.

* * *

We walk right into a very nasty sight. Some unfortunate mage is turning into an abomination, his form twisting and shifting into that hideous creature while he screams his lungs out. The other mages present watch in horror. And then it is done. He's probably already forgotten who he used to be. The bald man who was watching over the process turns to us. "Uldred," Wynne mutters angrily under her breath.

"Ah, look what we have here. I remember you; Irving's star pupil." His voice slithers into my ears like a wet, slimy snake. "Uldred didn't think much of you then and I certainly don't see your appeal now."

Speaking in third person, are we? Silly demon. "That's too bad for you then. I'm sure you will see it though, right before I kill you."

"Wait, wait, wait," the oddly human-looking abomination before me says, hands raised in a placating gesture. "Let's not be hasty. I'm trying to have a civil conversation here."

I show it a bitter smile. "Really? That is too bad, because I don't converse with abominations."

"Fight if you must." Uldred shrugs. "It will just make my victory all the sweeter."

"Don't forget the Litany," Wynne whispers to me. As it so happens, I'm holding it in my hand already and show this to her. She smiles. "Very good. It will thwart Uldred's attempts to control the mages and win this fight for us."

And then Uldred turns into something that looks like an ogre, but infinitely more dangerous with many more sharp pointy things on it. What is it with all these ogres today?

* * *

Another tough fight and I'd hardly recovered from our run in with sloth and his friends. But at least now Uldred is dead and the Litany prevented other mages from turning into abominations. Poor old Irving staggers to his feet. "Maker. I'm too old for this," he complains.

"Irving! Are you alright?" Wynne is at his side in no time, full of concern, letting the first enchanter lean on her.

He chuckles dryly. "I've been better, but I'm thankful to be alive. Thank you, all of you." He nods to us amiably. "I must admit it was a surprise seeing you there, but I am glad you have returned," he addresses me. "The Circle owes you a debt we could never repay." Irving sighs and scratches his beard. "Come, the templars await. We shall let them know the tower is ours once again."

Suddenly someone taps my shoulder. I turn around to find Daniela there with tears in her eyes. Immediately I fling my arms around her and we both begin crying like little girls. "Astoreth! I'm so glad you're back!" she sobs.

"I'm so glad you're not dead!" I sob back.

"Ladies, please continue your reunion on the way down," Irving gently chides us. "I will need someone to guide me down the stairs. Curse the one whoever insisted the Circle be housed in a tower," he complains.

I roll my eyes. "Amen."

* * *

_Fragments of the Chant of Light taken from_ The Calling_. _


	8. Not at All What I Had Expected

On the way down I saw that Cullen's cage is gone and he is too. Must've gone straight to Greagoir as soon as Uldred was dead. Daniela and I caught up on the way down. From her yellow robes I could see she was a full mage. Her Harrowing went well too and she has moved into a room with only two others. No doubt her bed has seen quite a lot of use. When we passed her room, she excused herself to try and tidy up the place. The girl's a genuine neat freak. Who thinks of tidying up in times like these? Nobody, except for Owain maybe.

"Irving?" Greagoir exclaims as soon as he sees the first enchanter. "Maker's breath! I never expected to see you alive."

"It's done. Uldred is dead, Greagoir," the old man simply states.

Cullen, who is standing next to the knight-commander, adds: "Uldred tortured these mages, hoping to turn them into abominations. We don't know how many have turned."

"What?" Irving stares at the templar in shock. "Don't be ridiculous!"

"Of course he'll say that!" Cullen tells Greagoir. "He may be a blood mage. Don't you know what they did? I won't let this happen again!" His voice sounds determined. Determined to have every last one of the mages eradicated. I can only stare at him in utter disbelief. That which the blood mages have done to him must have been something terrible indeed, for him to change so abruptly.

"I am the knight-commander here, not you," Greagoir sternly says.

"And what do you think then, knight-commander?" I ask him. Please don't annul the Circle.

"We have won back the tower. I will accept Irving's assurance that all is well," the knight-commander decides. Thank the Maker.

"But they may have demons within them, lying dormant, lying in wait!" Cullen is sputtering desperately.

"Enough!" his superior scolds him. "I have already made my decision."

For a few moments, Cullen stares at him in disbelief and opens his mouth to supposedly object but apparently thinks better of it and storms away instead. I should try to find him later, and speak with him.

"Thank you." Greagoir turns to me. "You have proven yourself a friend of the Circle and the templars."

"No problem. But I came to ask your help against the Blight, the darkspawn."

"My duty is now to watch over the mages, but they are free to help you. Speak with Irving about it." He turns to leave. "I will now begin a sweep of the tower, to tend to any survivors there may be. And Irving, it's good to have you back."

"Ah, I am sure we'll be at each other's throats again in no time," the first enchanter replies smugly. The knight-commander simply chuckles in response and walks away. "We will help you against the darkspawn," Irving tells me solemnly. "It's the least we can do is help you, after all you've done for us."

"I was glad I could help. There is another thing I would ask of you however: could the Circle come to Redcliffe to save a possessed child?"

"The child is possessed? But killing the demon means... Unless you intend to enter the Fade." Irving rubs his chin in contemplation. "Yes... Yes, that is possible, with a group of mages. I will gather what mages I can and we will leave promptly. A life is at stake."

"Irving, I have a request," Wynne suddenly pipes up. "I seek leave to follow the Grey Wardens."

"Wynne, we need you here. The Circle needs you." Irving sighs.

"I appreciate the sentiment, but the Circle will do fine without me. The Circle has you." She smiles fondly at the old man. "This woman is brave and good and capable of great things. If she accepts my help, I will help her accomplish her goals."

Oh my, such compliments. Surely I am red in the face. Replace brave with foolish and she'd be more accurate though. "It would be an honour to have you with us, Wynne," I reply in all honesty. She is a fine mage and an even better healer. Our mighty warriors have benefited greatly from her healing spells. And she seems like a very nice lady.

"You were never one to stay in the tower when there were adventures to be had elsewhere." Irving chuckles. "Then I give you leave to follow the Grey Warden, but know that you will always have a place here. If you would excuse me, I have some preparations to make." Upon that note, the first enchanter leaves us.

"Welcome to our group, Wynne," Leliana says happily.

Alistair gently elbows me in the ribs. "Don't you have someone to talk to?" He eyes me with concern. Of course he also saw what went on between Cullen and myself.

I nod. "I suppose so. I'll see you later then."

The others are too busy talking amongst themselves (except for Sten, naturally) to notice me slipping away. I find that I'm hesitant to speak with Cullen and first head to Danny's room.

She's kneeling on the floor, scrubbing it with a rag. In the short time she's been here, the room looks remarkably better. Daniela smiles when she sees me. "It's good to see you again."

"I'm glad to be back, even if it's only temporary. So, have you been up to anything lately?"

She shakes her blonde head. Her short hair has grown a bit longer since the last time I saw her. "No, not really. You know, just studying." Her blue eyes sparkle with curiosity. "So, you're one of the legendary Grey Wardens. How is it?"

I shrug. "Lots of pressure. Most of the order got wiped out at Ostagar. And I'm not that good a Grey Warden, I'm afraid. You should see Alistair when he's on a roll."

"Is that the handsome young man who was with you?" Her voice has taken on a tone of interest. She's still the same girl I remember. "But you are mistaken. You handled yourself very well against Uldred."

"You think so?" All I remember is desperately flinging spells across the room, reading the Litany and chugging down lyrium potions. Fortunately I didn't need that many, otherwise I'd be high as a kite right now.

"Of course." Danny gets off the floor. "You saved us, and I'm very grateful for that." She wraps her arms around me for a warm hug. When we let go, she says: "Well, you are a bit more voluptuous than I remember you." Her voice sounds amused.

"You can say fat, it won't hurt my feelings. I just eat a lot." For now I won't let her know about the baby. Cullen should be the first to know. Well, the first person in the tower, that is.

"I didn't mean fat, Astoreth, really. I think it makes you look more feminine." Daniela retrieves a small familiar container from her pocket. "You've probably run out of this already. Here you are." She hands me the cherry lip balm.

"Thank you. I've been using it a lot. Great stuff." I immediately open the container to rub some onto my lips. "Well, I have some other business to attend to, so I'll leave you."

"Cullen, I take it? You must be happy to see him again. He got really sad when you left. Took the bear from me without a word and ran off. Poor thing." She eyes me with pity. "Well, off you go then. I still have a lot of cleaning to do here."

I nod and kiss her cheek before leaving her to it.

* * *

I'm in the templar quarters. It would seem I've found Cullen. He is standing in front of a mirror with his back turned to me, stripped down to his waist. What a sight. Love and lust overcome me, even though I know his feelings towards me must've changed.

"Is this your room?"

He quickly spins around upon hearing my voice. "It is." With a sigh he approaches me. "We need to talk."

My spirits are immediately dampened. "That doesn't sound good." The words exit my throat as a tiny squeak. To think that just the night before I dreamed of him, of the way he used to be, so sweet and adorable.

"Do you remember when you told me that if I ever thought we should end this, I should tell you?" His voice sounds so cold, like I don't matter to him at all. "Well, this is where I tell you that we should end it." Nothing but cool determination. I don't think anything I would say could change his mind. Of course I could beg and plead him to please not leave me, or tell him about our child to have him stay with me out of pity. But I prefer to preserve my dignity, or what is left of it anyway. It's so difficult to maintain my composure when all I want to do is break down and cry.

"Is it because I didn't have all of the others annulled?" At least I deserve some kind of explanation. I think.

He sighs. "No, that's not it. I just don't trust you anymore," Cullen says harshly. "All I see is a potential blood mage, a vessel waiting to be filled by a demon; not the girl I fell in love with. I'm sorry." Bullshit. I can tell he's not sorry at all. But I am. He is definitely not the same person he used to be.

"I see. So be it." Somehow I manage to keep the quiver out of my voice, caused by the tears stinging my eyes just below the surface. "Then it would be unfair of this mage to bother you any longer. Goodbye."

I dip into a bow and blink when my head is down. Two lone tears fall to the floor and then I straighten by back and turn. I race away, down the stairs. Far behind me I can hear his voice, calling my name, telling me to wait. I will not wait. I will not let him see my tears.

* * *

The others are already waiting for me near the exit. I managed to dry my tears and stop crying on the way down, but I'm afraid my eyes are still red and puffy. Of course concerned questions are rapidly aimed at me, but I simply brush them off. Since there are now five of us, the ferryman will have to make two trips. I elect to go with Sten, for the obvious reason that he doesn't talk much and won't bother me. Let the other three go together and speculate on what is ailing me.


	9. The Carpet

_I have to thank the anonymous reviewer of Chapter 8 for leaving that hilarious review. It seriously cracked me up. And everyone else of course, thank you so much for the reviews.  
_

* * *

It was already dark by the time we got to the docks. No travelling back to Redcliffe for us just yet. Morrigan seemed relieved we had returned and so did Stubbs, bouncing around me happily at first. But then he picked up on how I was feeling and whined pitifully, as if begging me to tell me what was the matter with me. I'm not ready to talk about it just yet. Now I am sitting in my own room in the Spoiled Princess, as the inn near the docks is called. I like the name. Wynne, Leliana and Morrigan are sharing a room, as are Sten, Alistair and Stubbs. They insisted I stay in a room of my own after watching my gloomy demeanour and curt responses.

It's already very late, but I'm just not sleepy. And I know I'm hungry because my stomach is growling like an angry mabari, but I just don't feel like eating. My poor child will grow up without a father. I feel sorely tempted to have Morrigan brew that baby-killing potion, but that would be terrible of me. And besides, this little one is as much mine as it is Cullen's. Hmm, I just realized I'm still wearing his ring. Should've given it back to him when I had the chance. Every time it catches my eye my heart shrinks, so I take it off and stuff it down my pouch.

Suddenly there is a knock on the door and without waiting for an answer, Alistair just lets himself in.

"Hey, I could've been naked here," I protest weakly. Of course I'm not; I did take a bath to scrub off the blood and gore that was on me and changed into my often repaired black robes. I feel more comfortable with more covering.

My visitor grins. "I was hoping for that, actually." Then he begins blushing and clears his throat. "Anyhow, I couldn't sleep. Too worried, I suppose. What's happened to you?"

Again with the questions. I don't want to talk about it. I shake my head. Alistair sits next to me on the bed.

"Come on, tell me." He grabs my hand and lightly squeezes it. "You look so sad."

"Fine, if you really want to know. Cullen and I are through. It's over." I find it difficult to put any kind of emotion into my voice. I feel numb, cold; as if I've been dunked in a vat of ice cold water.

"What? Why?" Utter disbelief appears on my companion's face. "Have you told him about the baby?"

"You saw what they did to him. He..." I swallow. "He doesn't trust me anymore. And why should I tell him? So he would stay with me out of pity?"

Alistair bites his lip. "Point taken. But don't you think he deserves to at least know?"

"No. He was often plagued by guilt because he had broken his vows because of me. How do you think the baby would make him feel then?"

"I see." Alistair nods gravely. "I think love is worth more than any vow though."

"How cute. Why don't you go tell him that?"

"You know what?" He lets go of my hand and stands up from the bed. "I think I will!" And so he marches out of my room, a man on a mission. I shake my head. Silly Alistair. What could he possibly hope to accomplish? They don't even know each other. Hopefully he will realize it's stupid and just get into bed.

* * *

After an hour or so, Alistair returns to my room. A rolled up carpet is slung over his shoulder. What in the...?

"What in the Maker's name did you bring with you?"

"Well, this is the carpet from your old room!" he beams. "I thought I'd bring you a memento. Do you like it?"

"I appreciate the idea, Alistair, but what am I going to do with a carpet? It's not very practical to bring along with us, you know." Where does that silly boy get such ideas?

"Did you fall for that?" He chuckles. "It's not so much about the carpet, as it is about what is in it." Giggling like a loon he slowly unfolds it. Goodness gracious, my eyes must be deceiving me. Cullen, apparently unconscious, is lying on the bloody, stained carpet. He's dressed for the night in a pair of loose trousers and a ridiculously long shirt.

"Are you mad?" I sharply slap his shoulder. "You could get into serious trouble for this!"

"Hey, hey, don't hit me! I bruise easily." His happy face turns a little sadder. "I brought him because I thought you two should work out your differences. Hit him on the noggin while he was sleeping."

"Great, and what now? You could've easily killed him with your strength, you moron." I roll my eyes. "Did you catch a case of the stupid? Ah, it's probably my fault. You've been around me for far too long, haven't you?" I pat his shoulder. He can't help it either; he was only trying to help. "Well, I appreciate what you're trying to do for me, but please just take him back. There is nothing for us to talk about. How did you manage to steal him anyway?"

He shrugs. "Everyone was so busy looking for survivors and stragglers that nobody really noticed me."

The unconscious templar on the floor groans and slowly opens his eyes. He jumps up and gets into an attack position as soon as he sees me. "You!" he yells. "Did you order your minion to capture me?" Rage is burning in his eyes.

"Minion?" Alistair bursts out laughing.

"Believe me, I had nothing to do with it." I raise my hands. "It was all _his_ dumb idea!"

"So it was!" my fellow Grey Warden says happily. "I should leave you two alone to talk things through."

"Are you crazy? Look at him!" I point at Cullen, who still looks ready to go for my throat. "He is going to kill me!"

The templar blinks and slowly lowers his hands. "No, I could never kill you." His cold voice has a sound of dejection to it, the rage in his eyes gone.

I fold my arms before my chest and glare at him. "You sound almost sorry about that."

"I think I'll stick around for this," Alistair says warily and positions himself in the corner.

"So..." I pat the bed beside me. "Sit. Now that you're here, we might as well speak."

Cullen obediently does as I say, but sits a fair distance away from me, frowning all the while. "What is there to speak of?"

"Would you like to talk about what happened to you in the tower?" I turn towards him and pull my knees up to my chest. No need to show off my baby bulge.

He flinches and begins trembling, causing the entire bed to shake. "N-no, I... would rather not."

I nod. "That is up to you, of course. But talking about it might help you cope with it better. Just saying."

"Fine, if it will get you off my back," Cullen grumbles angrily. "First..."

"No, no." I raise my hand to silence him. "If you don't want to be reminded of it, just keep quiet and go back home."

"Too late. I don't even know how it started; suddenly they were everywhere. Demons, blood mages, abominations..." His voice sounds as if he's in a trance, his eyes staring into empty space. "I had taken a few of them down, but then they managed to trap me in that cage. They made me watch my friends die, or turn into monsters. There was nothing I could do. And then the illusions began." His gaze shifts to me, filled with sadness and a hint of longing. "They tempted me with images of you..." His voice breaks and tears begin streaming down his face. I reflexively open my arms and he almost flies into my embrace, violent sobs racking his body.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all that, my darling." Oops, that last bit just escaped me thoughtlessly. But he doesn't seem to mind. His tears soak the shoulder of my robe and he nearly chokes the life out of me, his arms wrapped around my waist so tightly. "Cullen!" I manage to choke out. His grip lessens immediately.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles, raising his head. "They kept showing me images of you, lying underneath me unclad, whispering the dirtiest, most sinful phrases and _I still liked it._" He sounds disgusted with himself. "I remember _you_ always said the sweetest things, but what she said was... entirely different." A warm blush creeps up his cheeks and in the corner I hear the shuffling of awkward feet. I'd almost forgotten about Alistair.

He looks as red as the rose he gave me. I catch his eye and gesture for him to leave. With a grateful expression on his face he takes off, quietly closing the door behind him.

I can't help but feel curious. "What did she say to you then?" I run my fingers through his hair. It's as soft as I remember it.

"Uhm, I..." He shakes his head in embarrassment. "I shouldn't repeat that to you. It would be too inappropriate."

Softly I caress his cheek. "As you wish." And before I forget... "I need to return something to you." I blindly dig around in my pouch until my fingers close around something small and delicate.

Cullen blankly stares at the ring in the palm of my hand for a few moments. "Please, keep it," he eventually says hesitantly.

I can't help but smile sadly. "If it's all the same to you, I would like to try and forget." I am unable to keep my grief out of my voice.

"I-I see," he says softly. Instead of an angry man, a forlorn boy sits before me. He gingerly takes the ring from me and slides it around his little finger. His beautiful brown eyes have this sad, gentle look to them once more, but I am afraid this is only temporary. My beloved has changed and is in fact my beloved no longer.

He begins fumbling at the back of his neck with both hands. My necklace. I gently pry his hands away. "Keep it. I have no more use for it. My past is behind me; now I must look ahead to the future, to my duty."

"Your duty?" He quizzically raises an eyebrow.

"I'm a Grey Warden and a Blight is threatening this land. Sadly, it's up to Alistair and myself to stop it." I sigh. "Ferelden is doomed."

Cullen's eyes narrow when he smiles at me. "No, I am confident you will save us. I'm proud that you've come so far." He fondly strokes my cheek with affection shining in his eyes.

"Yes. Who would've thought the harlot that made this steadfast templar break his vows would become a Grey Warden?" I chuckle bitterly.

"To me, you will always be a lady. My lady." Before I fully know what's going on, Cullen has cupped my face in his hands and firmly presses his lips to mine. In this last kiss I can feel the love he once held in his heart for me, all of the affection, the tenderness, the warmth. Sadly it is over all too soon. When he lets go of me, he sighs sadly and takes my hands in his. "You will always be in my heart. Those things I said earlier... That was very mean of me and I didn't really mean it. What we had was a beautiful thing, but it also goes against everything I should stand for. So, this is goodbye."

"You're right. For what it's worth, I'm sorry you broke your vows because of me. And, of course you will always have a special place in my heart too." This is really it then. The end of us.

"No, there is no need for you to be sorry about anything. I was with you because I wanted to and because what I felt... feel for you is stronger than any vow." He looks me square in the eye, his voice filled with determination. "But now we should both look to our duties. I have the remains of a Circle to watch over and you have a country to save."

He gets up from the bed and after gentlemanly pressing his lips to my hand, he walks to the door.

"Cullen?"

The templar turns, his hand on the doorknob. "Yes?"

"Maker watch over you."

He nods gravely. "May he watch over us all, Warden." And with that he walks out of my life. Goodbye, my love. I will never forget you.

* * *

_Seems like the end of this instalment, doesn't it? There is still one more chapter to go. _


	10. Hold Me

So this is it; Cullen and I are through. I should be a little pile of misery, crying my eyes out, but the tears just won't come. Instead of feeling sad, I simply feel... empty.

All of a sudden Alistair bursts through the door. He kneels before me and grabs my hands. "I'm so, so sorry." His voice sounds as sad as I should be feeling.

"It's fine. He was right; our relationship was doomed from the start. I was merely fooling myself into thinking that it would be possible for us to be together." I feel so numb. Is that even feeling? I don't know.

"But... he loves you. It's so obvious. And you love him as well. Whatever is wrong with that?" His words are so urgent. I wonder why. He must be some kind of hopeless romantic.

"I'll tell you what is wrong with that. He is a templar, and I a mage. His kind is supposed to be watching over my kind, not procreating with them. I've been a right fool for believing we had a future, for making him break his vows." But the regret I feel for this last part is minimal. It was good while it lasted and Cullen's a big boy, he could've said no to me. We mages are said to be promiscuous and I suppose I simply live up to that notion. Yay. Sex and stuff. Woo.

"No, don't say that!" Alistair squeezes my hands. "What happened to what you told me, about love not discriminating based on your station in life and all that?" He sounds almost desperate.

"Yes, well, love is stupid like that. And I was stupid to believe that was a good thing." I sigh and pull my hands out of Alistair's to rub my eyes. "Look, don't worry about me. This won't impair my judgment and I will continue the righteous Grey Wardening just like before. You have my word on this."

"That's not what I'm worried about!" the other Warden suddenly bursts out. "I'm sorry. It's just... I can't stand to see you like this." He reaches up and strokes my cheek with his rough hand. "Where's that sparkle in your eyes? It's just... extinguished."

I shrug. "I can't really help it, my friend. It's very sweet how you worry for me, but I will mend eventually." My voice is dull; it almost feels as if another is speaking. Oh, that's right... I keep on forgetting to give Alistair that amulet. Truth be told I've put off presenting it for so long because I'm not even sure it's really what I think it is. "In any case, I have something for you." I dive into my pouch and give him the velvet-wrapped package.

Alistair looks at me curiously and slowly unwraps his gift. He gasps as soon as the amulet comes into view. "This is my mother's amulet! How..." With his mouth open he stares at me. "Where did you find it?"

"Redcliffe Castle. I stole it from what I think is the arl's desk."

"Why isn't it broken? The arl must've found it after it shattered and repaired it. But why would he...?" He stares at the silver keepsake in awe, seems to trace every miniscule crack with his eyes.

"Because he cares about you more than you think." How could he not? I never knew Alistair as a child, but I'm sure he must've been as pleasant as he is now.

He smiles fondly. "I guess so. I should talk to the arl about this when he wakes up... if he wakes up." His silken brown eyes shift back to me. "So you remembered everything I told you? Huh. I thought most people just stopped listening whenever I went on."

"I can only speak for myself, but of course I remembered. Don't mind how my face looks, but you mean a lot to me." I can't even manage to punctuate that with a sweet smile, but the words are genuine, monotonous as they may sound.

Alistair laughs happily. "Is this the part where the minstrels appear and we all begin dancing? Because I'm game!"

"No, I think the minstrels have all retired for the night, but please go ahead and dance if you like." I remember the 'dance' he did in Lothering. It was cute and funny.

Alistair slips the amulet over his head, words of gratitude falling from his mouth in a whisper. Sighing sadly he places his hands on my knees and stares into my face. "Oh, you poor girl. Is there nothing I can do for you?"

"I don't know. Do you have a cure against stupidity?"

He shakes his head. "Unfortunately, no. I would've used it myself if that was the case."

"Don't be silly, you're not stu..." Suddenly the little one in me begins violently thrashing around, sending painful spasms through my belly. I cry out and roll into a little ball, panting and groaning. This hurts so badly.

"What's happening, what's happening?" I can hear Alistair's panicking. Thankfully the pain slowly abates. I sit back up.

"That was the baby. At least it's lively." It almost felt as if it was having a nightmare. "I've been wondering... Do you think the baby might be tainted too? After all, it was already growing in me during the Joining."

Alistair nods slowly. "That is a possibility. You won't be able to sense it until it's born. But you're lucky to have a child. The Grey Wardens I knew had children before they Joined, but it's difficult to conceive with the taint within us."

"Hmm. Well, I hope it's not tainted. Otherwise it would have to live with all these nightmares from such a young age, and of course it won't understand at first. Poor little one." I cradle my belly in my hands.

"Uhm, that's not the only thing it will have to live with." Alistair's voice sounds grave and his face is slowly becoming redder. "I should've told you a long time ago, but..."

"Oh no. What is it?" This Grey Warden business comes with a whole package of pleasant gifts, it would seem.

"Once you reach a certain age, the real nightmares come. That's how a Grey Warden knows his time has come." He clears his throat. "You see, you've got thirty years to live, give or take."

Thirty years. Thirty years left to live. Possibly for my baby too. Thirty years. Why don't I feel more worried? I just don't feel as if I have all that much to live for (sorry, little one). Thirty years is more than enough to defeat the archdemon, I'm sure. After that... Well, we'll see what comes after that.

"Thirty years, huh?" I shrug. "I'll make them matter." Time to be more focused on my duty as a Warden, as a mother.

"I was thinking," Alistair says shyly, his cheeks dyed a deep shade of red. "Maybe I could stay here and... hold you? If that would comfort you, I mean."

"Heh, it might." I manage to crank out a smile. "That's very sweet of you."

My friend gets onto the bed and takes me in his arms. This does make me feel more secure; it chases away the numbness. Well, a little anyway. He lets out a long yawn. "Sorry, I'm a little sleepy."

"Of course you are. It's really late." I pat him on the shoulder. "Go to sleep. I'll be fine as long as you are here."

"Are you sure?" His voice is small and sleepy. That one's going to fall asleep in 3... 2... 1... And yes, the snoring has commenced. I snuggle up to him a little closer. He's so nice and warm, his heartbeat drumming against my ear in a steady rhythm. Even so I don't think sleep will come for me this night. I close my eyes, but I don't feel sleepy at all. Boy, this is going to be a long night.

* * *

_And this concludes part 5. Part 6 will soon be up. It needs to be chopped into bite-sized chunks first.  
_


End file.
